Friday, January 23, 2009

10 Years Ago

10 years ago...You watched me lose my Driver License and work 3 jobs daily to pay bad debt off and get my license back.

10 years ago...You watched me date fail at school because I thought partying was more important.

10 years ago...You watched me turn 19 and head to Canada to get drunk and then take days to recover.

10 years ago...You watched me date endless lines of losers. One who went to jail, one who killed himself, and one who treated me like dirt.

9 years ago...You watched me slowly slip away from those who loved me the most and turn to those who laughed at me the most.

9 years ago...You watched me get beat by a chic who could have killed me.

9 years ago...You watched me come back alive because of that chic who almost killed me and made me realize that I needed to do something with my life.

9 years ago...You introduce me to one of my greatest friend who later in life turned out to be one of my best friend and little did I know a god gift.

9 years ago...You introduce me to the love of my life. The man who changed my life.

9 years ago...You watched me go though the toughest surgery I've ever had to go though. Having my jaw broken into a million pieces and my whole mouth moved around and then wired shut for 6 weeks! (the best way to lose weight) and Damm TMJ.

9 years ago...You watched me move out of my parents house into my cousin house.

9 years ago...You introduce me to some of the best people and some friends I'll never forget.

9 years ago...You helped me grow.
8 years ago...You watched me turn 21 years old and have the time of my life!

8 years ago...You watched me move out my cousin's into my own apartment.

7 years ago...You watched Dave and my relationship go to the next step. Him moving in.

7 years ago...You watched me fight a HUGE weight battle (almost 300lbs - big diff. when a year ago I was only 165).

7 years ago...You watched me get engaged and plan a wedding.

7 years ago...You watched me lose a family member that was too young to go.

7 years ago...You watched me grow into an adult.

6 years ago...You watched me marry my best friend.

6 years ago...You watched me move up in my company and become a HR Director and Benefits Manager.

5 years ago...You watched me lose my great grandma.

5 years ago...You watched us move from our apartment into my great grandma's condo.

5 years ago...You watched me start my own business with my mother and another co-worker.

4 years ago...You watched me nurture a baby in my belly. Along with that you watched me nurture a baby with 2 other women - April and Sue.

4 years ago...You watched me watch my baby brother Graduate High School and head off to Ferris State.

4 years ago...You watched my husband lose his job just weeks before closing on our house and having our first baby.

4 years ago...You watched us move into our 1st home.

4 years ago...You watched me give birth to my 1st born child - my daughter Adrianna.

3 years ago...You watched me bury my Father in Law with my husband.

3 years ago...You watched me nurture another baby in my belly. Along with my friend April again who was expecting.

3 years ago...You watched me become a Godmother to a wonderful baby boy name Nicholas.

3 years ago...You watched me give birth to my 2nd born child - my daughter Gabriella.

2 years ago...You watched me grow into a mother of two while working a full time job.

2 years ago...You watched me struggle with my husband job situation.

2 years ago...You watched me grown into a different person.

The past year...You've watched me give birth and share the stories of the birth.

The past year...You've watched me learn that I have Ushers.

The past year...You've heard my Italy stories.

The past year...You've watched me learn that I was expecting. The learned that I've lost the baby.

The past year...You saw that my day here at the office was coming to an end.

YOU- Pamar Enterprises, Inc. have watched, taught, and helped me more then you'll ever know. I will miss you more then you think. You've watched me go though the good times and the bad times. You've help me grow into the person I am today. You've taught me how to start from the bottom and go to the top. You've watched my mother and I go from yelling and screaming on daily basic to learning how to work side by side and separate family vs work. You've watched me fail. You've watched me cry. You've watched me yell. You've watched achieve. You taught me to laugh, to live and have fun! You've watched me over come fear. Lastly, you've taught me who I am and what I want to be. For that I will be forever thankful.

I hope my next 10 years are just as fun.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


What's up for 2009? People usually make resolutions for the New Year. I do too but call them Life Goals.

Here are my 2009 Life Goals:

Lose 50lbs by December - I WILL DO THIS
Sign back up for School - I HAVE DONE THIS!! START MAY!
Stick it out with school even if it kills me
Run another 13.1 race
Try something new
Spend more time with my kids and less working
Be a Stay At Home Mom
Cook More
Voluntary my time somewhere
lastly, be more patience

I have a lot of work cut out for me!!! But I will do this, I have to!

I am excited to start school and looking forward to doing new things.

Happy 2009 everyone!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Week #2

I made it with Week #1 and I did great with my goals. Cooked every night expect for Friday night. The kids wanted Big Boys and we went. I just had soup. :) And I stayed away from the Fast Food place :):) I didn't get to weigh in since I was at my parents house the whole weekend. So I'll weigh in next Sunday. It's gonna be hard to not step on that scale!!! To treat myself with doing so good my 1st week, I stayed the night at my parents house on Saturday night with no kids or husband. Stayed in bed all day on Sunday and read a book from start to almost finish. I didn't get out of bed till 3:30 pm!! Then Dave and kids joined me and my family and some friends. What a wonderful way to treat myself I would say. I told Dave I think I am going to do that every other month. It's nice to recharge and regroup. It was also a plus because I hung out with Beth at her parents house till midnight. It was like High School all over again. Then came back to my parents house and they had friends over and we stayed up playing games till 6am!!!

So on with Week #2. My goal this week is to start working out again. I'll start with just walking every other day for right now. Bonus goal is no pop. Bonus goal will be easy since I really don't drink pop but lately I've been craving for it.

Friday, January 16, 2009


Today 9 years ago my cousin Rachel passed away. A day I'll never forget and a day many others won't forget.

Rachel was a 17 years old Senior at Fraser High School when she passed away. She left behind her two parents, my Aunt Dee and Uncle Larry, and one sister Jamie.

Rachel was born with Spina Bifida. She was born paralyze from the waist down. But that never stopped Rach. She continue to love life more then anyone I know. She was set out to beat the odds and she did. She played basketball for the Sterling Heights Challengers. Basketball was the love of her life. Well beside her family and her friends. And boys :) She attend a regular school in her hometown. She worked at GM. She was getting ready to learn how to drive. But then life got a hold of her and she got sick. She never recovered after getting sick.

I'll never forget visiting her in the hospital. Rach was there often in her short sweet life. But this visit I knew would be my last one. I felt it in my heart. I am forever grateful that I went that day to see her. At that time in my life, I wasn't exactly a good person and basically trying to grow up. But anything for Rach, I did. I remember walking into her room and she just glowing. All my life growing up with Rachel, my aunt told me I was her hero. Me??!?!? Shit this kid was my hero. She couldn't walk and she never complain. She couldn't dance but she sang. She couldn't swim but she got in the pool. She NEVER felt sorry for herself and I was her hero? That night I spent time with her and told her she didn't have to go and get sick to get more Christmas gifts then us or to get her crush Brian Williams to sign a card by the whole Fraser Basketball team and visit her. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we fought (in a joking matter) and we just loved each other. Rachel passed away a week later. I remember leaving and feeling at peace. I thought she would passed away sooner. But she didn't. She actually went home. We were getting ready to put on a big pasta fundraiser for my family. I was getting ready to go visit her. Then my mom said it wasn't a good time to see her.

My mom got to see her 2 days before she passed away. She did her nails and they hung out. Rachel wasn't all there. My mom knew. The night before she passed away she watch her favorite movie with her sister. Her best friend. What you don't know about Rachel is she lost one of her vocal cord when she got sick. You could barely understand her when she had two of her cords, so it was harder to understand. She didn't talk much when she was home those last week. That night, when her sister left the room after the movie was over, Jamie was already almost in her room and Rach said "Jamie, I love you, always will." Jamie just kept on walking. Too emotional to say anything. The next day, Rachel was found in her bed, passed away....

I miss her dearly.

The day I got married, I know she was there. The day I found out I was having a baby, I knew I had to name my child after her. On Oct. 3rd, 2005, Adrianna Rachel-Marie was born. That day we all knew that Rachel Marie had been born in my daughter's heart. I see so much of Rachel in Adrianna. Always joking, laughing, caring, and the most heart warming 3 years old that I know. I know Rachel would have loved her and they would have gotten along so well. I know Rachel and Dave would have gotten along WONDERFUL. Hell she would have stole him away from me :) And I know if she knew my Gabriella she would run her over with her wheelchair :) But would love her just like her own. I wished she was here for many reason.

I'd do anything to bring her back. Not just for me but for my Aunt and Uncle. And her sister. No parent should have to be there the day their child is taken away from them. No sister or brother should have to watch their siblings go at such a young age. I only hope in time their heart heals.

Rachel, you are forever in my heart and soul. Where ever you are, may you be resting in peace....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What gives?

I am trying to not Diet. But Damm I need to lose all the fat off my body. I really need to lose it all by July since I am NOT going to be the fattest girl standing up in my dear friend Beth's wedding.

I hate those skinny people who can drink soda and eat junk all day and still have just their bones.

I am taking a different way of dieting...Not going to do it, gonna get healthy instead.

Each week I set a side a Main Goal and then a Bonus Goal. If I do good on both of them then I reward myself with something small like an hour to go to the store and just be alone. Thank god I have my husband who is my rock and supports me.

This week Goal No. One: Cooking everyday at home. So far doing great with this! I sat down on Sat. and made my list of things that I needed from store and then made my weekly dinner list. I am going to post those tasty new foods on here tonight.

Fat Free Cheesy Veggie Chowder - the kids loved it!!
Aztec Tomatoes Saute - again the kids LOVED it!
Grilled Fish
This week Bonus Goal is: No fast food. This is my down fall on my way home. I always craved for those damm French Fries from McDonald's and Whopper Jr with Cheese from Fat King. So to stop that, I've been eating my lunch I pack for work on the way home (I leave the office at 1).

So far this week is going well. It's been hard to do the Bonus Goal but I am doing good!!
You'll see me on Beth's wedding day I am going to look like this:

Monday, January 12, 2009

What do you think?

I've updated and added a few things. What do you think?

Be back in a bit for a post :)

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I am working on updating my blog...
the looks
the news
the pics

the whole nine yards. Be on the look out for it.

time for a change!!