Wednesday, October 29, 2008

WoW so behind

Wow I am so behind on updating! So much has happened since coming home from Italy.

I've yet to upload my photos from my trip!

Came home Friday, ran my race on Sunday. Need to get pictures from those too! I did awesome if you don't mind me saying. 13.1 miles at 3 hours 19 mins. Came in 9th in my age group! Hey, not bad top 10 :) And I beat my own personal goal of 3 hours and 30 mins :) I would have done better but I felt the need to help someone else cross the line. She had an injury hip and was alone. It felt better to help someone then be selfish!

Monday, found out that I can't drive day or night.

Tuesday, Dad had an heart attack.

So from Tuesday till Friday, we all sat on pins and needles to see if my dad would be ok. He came home Friday and couldn't have surgery. I'll post more on this later. He'll be ok if he stops smoking and lowers his stress.

Sat. night we went out with some friends. Had a nice time for a change after this crappy week.

Sunday spent the whole day with my parents and hanging out.

Well there is more to post and I'll be back with some pictures and stories.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Birthday Party Pics

We had a joint party for the girls. I said I would never do it. And I won't EVER do it again :) While it was a fun party it was hard to focus on both of them at the same time. How do those with twins or more do it?? It was meant to have a joint party for my grandmother who lives in FL but she ended up changing her plans on when to arrive and miss the party... ENJOY

PS I swear I did their hair cuter. Somehow, they got messy and didn't look how they did 2 hours before all the pictures were taken ;)
PPS I would totally have my girls in dresses at their party. BUT I had a couple of good reason why they weren't in dresses. :) My 1st "real" cake. I need to practice more! lol But everyone loved it I guess! lol
My aunt giving the girls their gift! (it was the hit of the party!)

I swear I didn't give this hat to Adrianna! The school did and she HAD to wear it!! lol And if you look hard you'll see Gabriella blowing her candles out too!

Out of all the presents this kid got, this was her fav!! She loved loved the picture frame and the picture in it. Silly kid!

Lost and Found

Over the past few weeks or months I feel I've lost myself in a pile of mess. I've been dealing and facing some ugly facts about my life and what's in the future. While it's not all bad stuff it's just not fun stuff to deal with. I am glad this trip to Italy has been booked. I need this time alone. I need to think. I need to remember who I am. I need to spend time with my mother and my grandmother. Just us 3 women. I know we are going to have fun. I know tears are going to be shed. I know laughter is going to be heard. I know we are going to have the best time together. And I am pretty sure it's going to make our bond even stronger.

This week, I've learned that I might have Usher Syndrome.
I spent most of yesterday at the doc office with Dave...Crying...I think I stopped listening when she said this could lead to blindness. My heart broke into a million billions pieces. All I thought of was were my babies. Today however, I had to go downtown Detroit and see another doc for another test. The test entitle me to sit in the dark for 30 mins alone. I am telling you that was the longest 30 mins I've ever sat in my life! The most powerful 3o mins.

While sitting there, I talked to God. Actually, yelled at him more like it. Not out loud of course, since I am not sure if they were watching me from another room and I didn't want to get put down at the psych ward ;) Anyways, I sat there getting mad. Asking him, why he felt he needed to do this to me and maybe to my brother too (he's having eye issues as well). Wasn't it bad enough that our hearing was taken away from us? Now our eyes sights??? While getting mad, I realize that I am lucky. I can hear with an aid and I can still see. So I should be thankful right???

I am struggling with this along with other things. Where I should be in my life? Am I a good enough mother to my girls? Wife to Dave? Daughter to my parents? Sister to my brother? I am struggling with my relationship with my brother and it's getting harder and harder everyday. I want different things then he does. Granted, I am married, have 2 kids and almost 7 years older then him. He's 21 years old, not married, no kids and has no clue who he even is and where he's going with life. I should understand that but I can't right now. I am struggling with friendships. Some old friendships have left my life and while I'll never get their friendship back, I miss them. Some old friendship are still part of my life but it's not the same. Some friendships I should be letting go and I can't. And some I have right here in front of me and I feel I am not doing a great job being a friend back to them.

Dave starts school when I return back home, I am looking forward to it. We need our routine back in our house. And he needs to get out of the house :) While I love love love my husband, he needs to get out! He's been home since Sept. all day and night. I am thinking once he's back out of the house in the evening, I'll start coming back around and out of this funk.

I guess I should get back to packing and some rest as tomorrow will be a long day!!

Friday, October 3, 2008


Tonight what was going to be a nice night out with my daughter to celebrate her birthday ending up being one of my worst nights. I was hurt so bad, that I don't think anyone could hurt me as bad as my heart is hurting right now.

I am thankful for the friends and family I do have that helped me get thur tonight. I am just sorry that I had to cry in front of my girl. However, seeing her face when we got home and seeing Daddy putting her bike together made my night 100 times better!

Sometimes growing up sucks. You find out who your real friends are. You find out some aren't so good and some aren't so nice. But then you find out that you DO have some that are GREAT and would go an extra mile for you. Tonight I did a lot of Soul Searching. In fact it's something I've been doing for a while. I thought I was finding my spot and reaching an good point in my life but tonight I think I've been broken again. Along with finding out who your real friends are you start losing sight of those who are good friends for you and sometimes it's too late to get them back in your life. I have a few of those friends. Some I've hurt and some who've hurt me.

All I can say if I hurt any of those who are out there and were my friends and I made them feel the way I feel tonight, I am so sorry. I would never want to hurt someone like that. I want them to know that I am deeply sorry for hurting you and I do miss you.

A few hours

3 years ago today in about a few hours I was about to be a mom for the 1st time at!!!

In a few hours my world was about to change for the better.

In a few hours it would not be just Dave and I.

In a few hours we would be adding a new member to the family.

In a few hours we would be holding a 7lbs 7oz little girl name Adrianna Rachel-Marie...

Happy 3rd Birthday baby girl :) Mama loves you more then you'll EVER realize!! The love I have for you, will be something that NOBODY can take away. You've grown into a wonderful, beautiful, smart, caring, loving, sweet, stubborn little women. You've bought so much joy in so many peoples lives. You are one of the most caring 3 years old that I know. On this day today 3 years ago, you've made my life a much more happy place to be. I will never forget the moment you came out of me and when the 1st time I've held you in my arms. I am pretty sure, Daddy, Grandma, Papa, and Aunt Tina will never forget this day too. :)

Daddy and I love you more then heaven and earth from hell and back. Happy 3rd Birthday!!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

On this night at this time

I was telling Dave, "I think it's time to go!"

Time to go where...To have a baby.

That day 3 years ago today we were at Upland Farms going on a Hayride. I thought hey that should help me get things moving. It did a little. Then we went to Great Lake Crossing. Dave was at Bass Pro Shop and I was on the other side of the mall, contractions started. They were so bad that I was falling over by the trash and people were staring. Finally some guys came up to me and asked me if I was ok. Of course, I am not...I am about to pop out a kid!! I couldn't get Dave to answer his phone to come back over to my side. Finally they stopped, I walked, oh who am I kidding, ran back to Bass got Dave and said we gotta go home. Grabbed a hot dog on the hot dog stand and went home. Contractions went away.

9pm, Desperate Housewife came on. My contractions were 5-7 min apart, but I wouldn't leave till the show was over! The showed end, I called and they said to go on in! We called my mom, she said she would meet us up there after she knew I was going to be admitted (after all it was my 3rd time back there). Dave was driving so slow, I swore I could have killed him.

We got there, went in, they said "Nope you aren't ready. You are only a 2 close to a 3 but not thinned out enough." I was so upset. I mean I was 5 days over due, I just wanted my baby. I remember getting ready to get dress again to leave, waiting for my paperwork, and the nurse came in and I threw up my hot dog! She said "Yup, we are keeping you. You are ready!" Thank god for that hot dog!! My baby was going to be born!!!

Got in my room, got ready, and waited...

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Starting already...

Have you have had a moment where you felt like this?

That's me this week. Someone please find me this:

Not that I've ever taken it but I heard it does wonders for panic and anxiety. Something I am experincing. I've never felt like this before, or this bad.

I've always been the one to not sleep much but others will tell you different. They'll say that's all I do. I sleep better during the day. At night, I can't. I have strange dreams, I am up looking at the clock non stop, and then when I do fall asleep finally that damm alarm goes off! This week has been the worst!! I try to go to bed at 10 but end up falling asleep at midnight while reading a book. Then back up at 2:30 to read some more and then back to sleep at 3:30 then back up at 5:30 to get the day started. That's been my week so far. I haven't had a day off work since I am trying to make up for leaving early yesterday, to leave early on Friday so I can be with my baby for her birthday, and for my trip to Italy next week.

Birthday, ya that's got me stress in ways that shouldn't have me stress. She's gonna be 3 years old. No baby anymore :( But that's not what's really stressing me. I have to bake cookies for her class for tomorrow, bake 2 cakes (we are having the girls party together, which I am hating myself more and more since it's not fair to them but I thought my gma was coming in town, she not now), clean the house, prepare food for Sunday, prepare games for the kids, and did I say clean my house! Oh the things we do for our kids :) But I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

Italy, ya that's got me stress in ways you wouldn't believe! I am excited but the panic and fears kicked in on Monday night. What ifs....The plane crash, catches on fire, or blows up? My girls will not only lose their mother but their great grandma and their grandma. That means no women would be left in their circle of family. Well you got my mother in law but face it she not around. So who will take care of them? Who will teach them things? Who will shop for them? Who will teach them to cook? Who will...Dave assure me that my plane won't do that and if it does, he's got it under control...While I think that Dave's an AWESOME dad he's just not a women. But I am sure he'll figure it out I mean I've seen other guys do it...I am looking forward to making memories with my grandma and my mom. Something that I am sure that will never be replace or done again with the 3 of us. I will miss my girls dearly. Oh and Dave too :)

The race, ya that's got me stress in many ways!! Will I be able to complete it? Will I do it in my goal time 3.5 hours? Will I be able to cross the bridge and run in the tunnel? Bridges, I HATE them!! I think I can I think I can I think I can....Choo Choo....

But it will all be good and worth it in the end. Right?